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Lisa’s Question For Larry…

Larry,

I did NOT cheat on my husband, he is convinced I did. What do I do? I have been going through this for 5 years and I am so lost on what to do. Please I really need help ASAP!!!

Thank you,

Lisa

Larry’s Answer:

Hi Lisa, thanks for your question.

Look at your husband’s first ten years of childhood and you’ll see that there was a parent who was highly insecure and highly suspicious. That suspicion is built into his brain. It more than likely has nothing to do with what you do or don’t do. He has a program that says a woman cannot be trusted and all women do is lie.

The amazing part of this is, he has no idea that…

Chelo’s Question For Larry….

Dear Larry:

I have been reading your material for a few weeks. We are not legally married but we did get married in a celtic pagan ceremony this last summer. We have known each other for four and a half years. The first few months I was over the moon as he is a gentle creative man and I felt I could open up in his presence.

Sex was great, we shared music, family histories (though he said he had forgotten most of his childhood) But soon after this I started noticing akward phrases such as: I’m so happy! but i know this won’t work. It took two years to get to the stage where he opened up but the more he started opening up about feelings and family history (He lost a girlfriend that later committed suicide) the more he started switching moods…I always felt that all this was about someone else in his past and that all this was being transferred to me . Then i met his parents…alot to say there as father was totally silent and mother very self self centred.

These days he sees connection about the way things were and his moods and nightmares…but every week he goes through a proccess where he says its all this relationship, he cannot be with me, and then as I’m upset in tears and ready to find a place to rent (as I live in his beautiful place where I have put so much work, with our cats and dog) then he says something has changed inside him, he feels grounded and more real and all the sutff he has said before does seem absurd.

One moment he says he could be gay, then, he may be meant to be alone, then he says he feels relaxed with everybody but me…then he again to the ‘grounded’ non stressed stage. I have been feeling very depressed, frustrated and sick and I feel quite hopeless. I come from a very abusive background and I thought for first time (I’m 50) I was building something real. Now sexual intimacy is also gone but cuddles are still there. I feel grieved and confused. I wish I…

Carlita’s Question For Larry…

My husband and I have been married for 27 years. He says he “hates sex”. We haven’t had sex in seven years. I was always the one in our relationship with a high libido. Is there any hope for sex?

Larry’s Answer:

Hi Carlita,

Thanks for writing about America’s most popular couples subject…sex. In your question, you asked “is there hope for sex?” This is not about hope. It’s about knowledge. You said your husband “hates” sex but you didn’t say that he hates sex with you.

My point is that there are two mistresses in America for men that can take their interest away from the woman they married.

1) The girl down at work who praises your husband and opens up the possibility of an affair and 2) the pornography industry on his computer. Both of these are popular choices in how men relieve their built in biological pressure. When a man, who normally “needs” sex no longer desires it, there are five questions to ask in order.

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Cindy’s Question For Marsha…

“We’ve been married over 22 years, together over 23 1/2. I really don’t like him AT all!”

1) I don’t really remember our marriage every being “good.”
Before the “I do’s,” we at least seemed to be content, although we were broke and didn’t do much. Of course I believe I made HUGE mistake in marrying him, but you can’t undo history.

2) Our marriage is a constant war zone. I’ve been a homemaker, stay at home, homeschooling wife/mom. Our oldest, who’s 19 moved out this June. He’s betrothed and in college. Our youngest is 16, has been lonely with his brother gone, we live in a dead very small little town. He’s sick of being here alone in the war zone with us, and I’m ready to let him move into his own place near his brother for his own mental health.

3) I think my husband is a sociopath. I have standards and believed in staying till the kids were grown, and have almost accomplished that. But I am having a hard time now believing that was the best choice. The oldest moving out, and now likely the youngest, it’s forcing us to deal with all of our problems, and he trys to avoid everything. At least he works. He knows this is the case, because he’s so out of the loop around here, when he attempts to pay attention, he gets himself in more trouble than if he’d have just kept his mouth shut. Then whines complaining, “I know, I’m just the witless provider.” I say back, you get what you put into life. I’m just tired and realize divorce is likely the only option out of this hell.

Most emotional affairs start out as an innocent friendship. You see each other often, go out to lunch every now and then, share your thoughts and feelings with each other…so where’s the harm in that?

For starters, just like a drug…emotional affairs can be ADDICTING.