I read your message above. It got me thinking about sending you something to think about and help you to realize why you are here now.

I want you to imagine a little boy and a little girl grow up in two separate homes. Each of their parents have emotional troubles they have never resolved and those troubles come out on the little boy in the little girl in many different ways, none of them good. The children might have been ignored by the parents they needed love from. The children could have been criticized, embarrassed, blamed even repeatedly abused physically or sexually. All of this cruelty happens to them behind closed doors and it’s all in degrees from not so bad to very bad.

Now imagine that all of this abuse forms something we could call Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The little girl grows up to be the wonderful Dr. Jekyll who is a healer and very charismatic. She is loved by many and invited to events of different kinds. She meets Mr. Dr. Jekyll who is also a wonderful healer. They decide to get married. But there is a serious problem lurking behind the beautiful wedding. Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Jekyll does not know that within their two brains is a Mr. Hyde. Two Dr. Jekyll’s, and neither of them know there are two Mr. Hyde’sin their marriage.

So they start their marriage and all seems well for a year or so but then these Mr. Hyde’s would knock out one of the Dr. Jekyll’s and attack the other with very little warning. One Mr. Hyde would attack and that would bring out the other Mr. Hyde. The two Mr. Hydes would lock on to each other and create a feeding frenzy of conflict, tension, blame, resentment. Once their energy was spent, but two Dr. Jekyll’s would come out again and long to be close to each other but both of them were scarred by the attacks of the two Mr. Hyde’s.

Naturally, the two Dr. Jekylls would be cautious and careful about drawing near too the other, because they never knew when Mr. Hyde could attack.

Mr. Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Dr. Jekyll struggled silently inside because their own Mr. Hyde’s would attack each of them. Their two Mr. Hyde’s would force them remember all the pain of their childhoods.

For example, with specific painful memories, Mr. Hyde would torment Mr. Dr. Jekyll and convince him that it was Mrs. Dr. Jekyll who was the cause of all his suffering. Mr. Hyde then got Mr. Dr. Jekyll convinced that it was Mrs. Dr. Jekyll who was his problem and she should be attacked as quickly as possible. Mr. Dr. Jekyll did not know what was happening to him and so he gave himself over to Mr. Hyde to attack the woman he married.

Mrs. Dr. Jekyll was going through the same nightmare. She also did not know she had a Mr. Hyde.

What if there was a Mr. Hyde in you and Mr. Hyde in your husband that you didn’t know was even there? What if this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde analogy was actually what was really happening to you? It would explain why you do what you do. It would explain why you wrote that e-mail to me that you did.

Yes, you use words like ” husband had an emotional affair “, and ” he didn’t admit anything ” and ” I threatened to leave him “, and ” He’s sexually not happy with me “, and ” I’m not emotionally not happy with him either “, and ” He seem to be not sexually wanting like he used too “, and ” can I do to get him to be interested in me “, but what is really driving all of this behavior that you, Mrs. Dr. Jekyll, don’t even want to do and never wanted to do?

What if you do have a Mr. Hyde you don’t even know is there?

Larry

My husband had an emotional affair couple of months ago. I found out because I checked his text messages. I suspect something was going on that’s why I checked. First, he didn’t admit anything was wrong with the flirting that he texted to his co-worker until I threatened to leave him. I realized now that’s it’s wrong and we talked about our marriage and what went wrong. He’s sexually not happy with me and I’m not emotionally not happy with him either. I told him that I can not be sexually active because I’m not emotionally happy with him. I have been more sexually active now even though I still feel emotionally not happy with him. He seem to be not sexually wanting like he used too. What can I do to get him to be interested in me and care for me like he used to again?

Thank YOU very much for the insight!
Lisa