When your spouse “drops the bomb” that he or she wants a divorce, how should you react?
Accept it or FIGHT IT?
If everyone is telling you to give up, but something within you just can’t bring yourself do it, your reaction might be…“I’m going to fight for our family”. “I’m going to fight for you, for us, because I cannot accept that our marriage is over.”
What I’m going to say you might not receive very well.
All the things happening to you are taking place because of an energy that lives inside you. I call it “against” energy.
Against energy is not just an idea. Against energy is a world you live in that occupies everything you touch, think and say.
If you look closely, you will find against energy contained in fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, anxiousness, uncertainty, anger and resentment. In an extreme state, against energy can even make you want to end your own life.
When you’re at a “low point” in life, all the bad things happening to you are driven by the “against” energy within you.
Look to your childhood and you will see that your programmers (your parents) gave birth to this against energy and it is still alive and in control of all the events in your life.
I receive daily emails from men and women all around the world who are in pain. These emails sound something like this (we’ll call this person Jane):
“Six months ago, I found out my husband of 22 years was having an affair. That was when all our problems began. Life is now like a roller coaster where one day he seems happy and the next day, he is in chaos. I am constantly worried and don’t know what to do next. I don’t even know who he is anymore. I don’t deserve this kind of treatment, but I refuse to give up on him and desperately want to fight for my marriage. Is there still hope?”
Though her message sounds hopeful, Jane is loaded with against energy and it is sucking the life out of her.
The cure for against energy is acceptance. Acceptance ends against energy.
Acceptance and against energy cannot live in the same person at the same time. It is either one or the other.
What is controlling each and every person who sends me an email like this is NOT acceptance. It is against energy that was instilled in them during their first 10 years.
Depending on your childhood, you might be:
- Against success
- Against failure
- Against people at work
- Against a family member
- Against your spouse
- Against being too successful
- And so on
Against energy is in control and the only way to put it to rest is to begin generating acceptance energy. You can do this by first making your against statements:
- I am against the way my wife treats me.
- I am against the way my life is full of bad things.
- I am against the way everything goes wrong for me, etc.
You then take each of those sentences and state them as an acceptance statement:
- I accept that my wife treats me the way she does.
- I accept that my life is full of bad things.
- I accept that everything goes wrong for me.
You must generate one acceptance statement after another until they become a routine for you. You will accept the tiniest inconveniences, the smallest irritations, and any situation that presents itself. You need to accept it all.
Now this doesn’t mean serving up divorce papers, handing over your house and assets to your spouse, and leaving yourself with nothing.
Acceptance is a state of mind that helps you feel calm. And chances are, you’ve already done the opposite.
How did your spouse react when you were against him or her? How does ANYONE respond to against energy for that matter?
If you think the answer lies somewhere else, in a book, other piece of advice, pastor or therapist, you will be searching while against eats you up inside.
Any attempts you make to restore your marriage will be met with rejection as long as your spouse feels this against energy within you. This energy translates into pressure and makes you weak.
And there’s no hiding it.
You can put on a smile, but your eyes will tell a different story. You can do nice things but your spouse will view it as “too little, too late” since leaving spouses are driven by emotion and that’s the only thing they respond to.
When a marriage is at the brink of divorce, actions and words do nothing. You must change the way your spouse feels when the two of you are in the same room together and no one is saying a word.
Think of the word CALM whenever you are around your spouse, regardless of what is happening around you. Acceptance is the foundation of a civil relationship, which is the first of many steps toward restoring your marriage with the one you love.
Still don’t believe acceptance is the answer? Let’s do an experiment. Practice total acceptance of everything in your life for two weeks. Keep a log of how successful you are and record any “slip ups” that allowed against energy to creep into your life.
If you successfully practice accepting each and every part of your life – and everyone around you – for a solid two weeks, you’ll start to feel different and you will see changes in those around you.
But here’s the real key – once you STOP putting pressure on your spouse, he or she will take notice.
Most people think if they stop calling, texting or talking, their spouse will disappear forever, but it’s just the opposite.
If your spouse feels pressured, THAT is what prompts them to move out of the household. Despite what you might think, it’s actually common for a spouse to move out into a different household, but still keep in regular contact with their would-be ex spouse – sometimes even friendly contact.
The reason for this is because distance allows them to breathe. It gives them freedom from the constant pressure they dread as soon as you walk in the door…it gives them RELIEF. And relief is the start of a positive shift in the marriage.
I encourage you to try this unconventional approach. Words, actions and behavior have done nothing but make things worse, so what do you have to lose?
If you want a specific plan to not only turn your marriage around, but create a stronger relationship than ever before, watch this hour video presentation to see how it’s possible to win back the love of your life – without their participation.