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I am now a single parent. Me and my husband are still married but in the past month has went from h is mothers house to his mistress’s place of residence and has sense moved in with her. And only in the past two weeks he has even attempted to ask to see his son. Which until there is paper work i don’t feel comfortable. I love my husband but until he is away from this very destructive woman, i fear for both my son and husbands safety. Any suggestions as to how i can get him to come home?
Hi Renee, it sounds like you are married to a Chaos Kid. I suggest your read my response to someone else with a similar question: http://youcansavethismarriage.com/husband-is-a-chaos-kid/
But in short, if you want him to come home, you need to remember to:
1) Don’t put pressure on him
2) Stay calm under all conditions
You need to be sure to do all you can to protect your son no matter what, but it is pressure and negative emotions that drives a spouse away from you.
Focus on these two things, and depending how severe a Chaos Kid he is, you may see some progress just by following these 2 simple rules.
Thanks for your question,
– Larry
Well . . . I wish I had known about you sooner Larry! Divorce paper have now been filed. My husband and I are both chaos kids and I now understand what contributed to the failure of our marriage. We have been struggling for the past year. Recently, after several attempts to communicate with him over a number of months, I handed him a folder with the papers filled out for a “Joint Petition for Divorce.” He the next day he immediately sought a divorce attorney. Less than two months later, he moved out leaving me with a P.O. box as his forwarding address.
One month after he moved out, he demanded I sign the documents at his lawyers office. I was trying to wait until our emotions cooled down but he pressed on. I explained I really did not want a divorce but our relationship was going no where. We both reacted to one anothers “chaos!” Now my marriage is ruined.
Now I must put it behind me. Where do I go from here to heal, recover and prepare myself for the next relationship? I want to break the cycle of chaos!
Hi ‘Brooklyn Mermaid”,
In order to break the cycle of chaos, you need to understand the source of human behavior. In my Environment Changer program, I lay out the what creates chaos, how you can prevent passing it on to future generations and in your case, how you can prevent the same problems from occuring in future relationships.
At the core of the program there are 3 main skills you’ll learn. I have students in the program who like you, want to end the chaos cycle and understand what went wrong in their previous marriage. Some people choose to enroll in the program for self improvement reasons alone so when they are faced with relationship or personal struggles, they’ll know how to quickly overcome them.
Here is how these core concepts of the Environment Changer program can help you:
1. You’ll learn to eliminate your negative emotions in 60 seconds
Very often people move from one relationship to the next without realizing what went wrong in the first place. In all relationships, there is the romance phase at first, but after that passes, the programming from childhood comes out and the ‘brain chemicals’ that produce feelings (what we know as love), start to wear off.
This is when negative emotions begin to kick in. If you don’t have the ability to control your emotions, you’ll run into the same problems again as you did in your first marriage. If you have children, they will learn from you and model in their own marriage, the way that you handled conflict in your own marriage.
2. How to get to the source of your issues.
We are all raised with a set of lifestyle values from our parents, both good and bad. We bring these values into our marriage without realizing that our values came from our first 10 years. I show students in this program how to replace the negative “programs” from your parents with positive values and beliefs that are good for your marriage.
We treat our spouse the way that our mother treated our father and our father treated our mother. That’s our imprint on how to be married. Many people don’t realize for instance, that they are treating their spouse the way their overbearing mother treated their father or the way their angry father treated their mother. These are the kind of “programs” that cause people to continue to fall back into their old ways despite any improvement efforts.
It is critically important to find what YOUR program is. If you don’t, you are destined to repeat the programs from your parents over and over again. But not only that, it is these programs that dictate who you are attracted to. If you are aware of these programs, you can overwrite them with positive programs and go into a relationship with your eyes open, realizing who exactly you are attracted to – and why.
3. Finally, the third skill is understanding who you are uniquely at heart. You’ll learn how to understand your ex husband and see how differences in personality and what motivated the two of you may have led to the decline of your marriage.
Once you have an understanding of who you married, how you were raised and how to eliminate all your tension and bad feelings, you get a completely different perspective and very clear picture on what happened that led your marriage to divorce.
If you are serious about saving your marriage or have questions for me, you can watch a video presentation on the link below and then register for a private one hour call via the link below to see if my approach is a good fit for you. I will help you make sense of your situation and so you can understand how you arrived at this point in your marriage and what you can do about it.
Watch the video presentation and then schedule your private 1 hour consultation (for women) here
Brother I want to marriage one divorced lady you can help me about this points.