Samantha’s question for Larry:

“My husband is going through a midlife crisis. He has filed for divorce. 

Help me understand why would anyone stay with someone that has these mental issues midlife crisis when all they do is opposite of what a marriage should be about. Especially considering the fact that not everyone can go through midlife crisis, therefore wouldn’t it be better to leave the person that hates and allow the mental ill person continue with their choice of divorce and free the spouse they are hurting?

I think it would be unfair to live with these people and not be loved in return. Especially if there are no duration of this crisis they are going through. I tried to help my husband and he still filed for divorce. 

Just curious as why would anyone stay with someone that doesn’t love them. Midlife crises people hate their spouse.”

Larry’s answer for Samantha:

You have a very good question.  It’s also a question I never get.  But I am glad you asked it.  Why should a sane and civil wife stay around trying to save a husband who has given himself to the dark side?

I have found that there are some wives who no longer see the man they married.  He is not the man who was at the wedding.  He is more like his troubled childhood parents who you never would’ve married.  The man you did marry, did fall in love with, was nothing like his father at the time.  But the longer you stayed married to him, the more he became like his original programmer.  If you wanted to marry his father, you would’ve looked for someone like his father.  Now that your husband has turned into his father, there is no logical reason to stay married.

In fact, in your case, there is no emotional reason to stay married to him.  If your own parents divorced, and you were not troubled by it, then in your brain, divorce is a good solution.  To you it solves a problem just like it did for your own mother or father.

You are in the majority.  The people I work with are in the minority.  The women I work with in my course still see the man within buried under all of the dark programming from a painful childhood and they are determined to save that person.  You can’t ask them why because their answer is not logical.  It’s emotional and they are totally committed to the job.  My role is to give them the tools and the understanding to get that job done.

Thanks for asking this question and I wish you all the best.