Lillie’s Question for Marsha…

“I need help.  I recently discovered that my husband is on several online dating sites.  He also lies all the time.  When I confronted him with the evidence he still lied.  He know says that of course he lied when first confronted about it and that he is very sorry he did any of this and that there is no excuse and that it is unforgivable.

He also claims he wasn’t trying to hook up with anyone.  However, his profiles on the sites state he was indeed trying to hook up with people, and so do some emails I found that he sent to women.  I have not found any real proof that he did actually hook up with anyone, but he is such a liar I don’t know what to believe.

I believe that if we didn’t have children I would have already filed for divorce.  I don’t know what to do as I can not trust him.  He is married and joined several online dating sites..what does one do and where does one go from here?  There are other issues..the biggest one being him allowing his mom to control way too much and both of them saying I have no say and can’t do anything about it.  His mom controls his books and checking account for his business etc etc.  This whole online dating site issue is just the newest issue and seems to me like the one that is breaking the camels back in this so called marriage.  Help.  Thx. ”

Marsha’s Answer for Lillie…

“Hello Lillie,

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Unfortunately everything I know about people who lie is that they usually don’t stop because they are afraid of the consequences. Sometimes they do learn to stop lying about the really important things though.

Having children together puts you in a tough spot. Leaving your husband would definitely affect them. I also think that with his Mother in the picture you would have a very hard time financially. Seems like a son who can do no wrong issue.

Have you tried telling him that you would leave him if he didn’t stop the sneaking around and lying?

I know that you are not at peace when he is out of your sight. Very often the stories in your head are always crazier than the things that are actually happening.

You are going to have to get some outside help either for the both of you or just for yourself. My suggestion would be to tell your husband that you are going to either contact your church or a counselor and either he can come with or you are going by yourself. Hopefully you can get some sort of support to keep yourself from remaining so unhappy and affecting your children.

There must have been something that you fell in love with in your husband. I am sure you will in time be happy again either with or without him.”

Marsha