Every day I hear from men and women who have tried everything under the sun to save their marriage. They’ve tried ebooks and courses, counseling and seminars.
They’ve taken the Love Dare, made desperate attempts to be nice to their spouse, but in the end they’re still met with the same constant rejection (if not even MORE rejection from their spouse) than when they started.
So what’s the problem? WHY isn’t this stuff working?
Well here’s the answer…
- If your spouse has already filed or is threatening to file for divorce…
- If your spouse is having an affair…
- If you’ve tried everything under the sun, but nothing seems to work…
- If your spouse sees you as his/her worst enemy…
…the fact is, when your spouse has reached the “Snap Line”, nothing you DO and SAY will influence your spouse in a positive way. In fact, it’s just the opposite.
If your spouse came from a troubled home and has suddenly started acting like a different person overnight, all of the pain from your spouses’ childhood is now directed at YOU and s/he sees you as the enemy. Everything you do and say is a threat.
But regardless of what your spouse says, don’t put too much emphasis on divorce. Marriage is a legal agreement between you, your spouse and the state.
Who says you can’t get divorced in April and get remarried in May? It doesn’t matter if the divorce goes through or not.
This is about you and your spouse. You can get another legal agreement, but you can’t get another exact duplicate of your husband or wife.
I believe a marriage is over when YOU have given up.
All you’re doing by:
…Trying to STOP divorce proceedings…
…Trying to STOP your spouse from leaving…
…Trying to STOP your spouse from calling/texting other people…
…is putting yourself in an AGAINST mode. You’re putting pressure on your spouse. And PRESSURE is a marriage killer.
It is this pressure that is driving your spouse further away from you day by day.
What you need to do right now is stop putting pressure on your spouse and let him or her make the next move. You need to stay calm under all conditions – no matter what. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t send flowers, letters, cards, etc. All of that is PRESSURE.
After all – in your spouses’ eyes, they’re thinking “why didn’t you do this 10 years ago? If you could have, you would have, it’s too little – too late”.
The ONLY thing your spouse can respond to at this point is the energy that you are giving off and right now that energy is:
- TENSE – about how to act around your spouse
- ANXIOUS – about what might happen next
- WORRIED – about the emotional condition of your kids
- ANGRY – about the chaos your spouse is creating
- FRUSTRATED – about not seeing things improve
- RESENTFUL – about HIS/HER part in all of this
- FEARFUL – about what might happen next
If your spouse came from a troubled home, s/he is running from the childhood pain of the past. I call these people with troubled childhoods “Chaos Kids” because of the chaos they grew up in as a child.
Chaos Kid women are looking to “find themselves”, looking for happiness…Chaos Kid men are desperately seeking respect and trying to avoid conflict.
Your spouse could also be some combination of both of these.
With that in mind, why would your spouse come back to you when it’s just going to be more of the same? The truth is, you haven’t changed. You’re trying to suppress your negative emotions with willpower alone and sooner or later YOU WILL GIVE IN. It’s just too tiring “trying” to stay positive. And it’s a temporary change – your spouse knows it.
Your marriage problems have nothing to do with your SITUATION, how far along you are in the divorce process or what’s happened in the past weeks, months or years. The only way to get through to your spouse when you are at this stage of marriage/divorce is by eliminating your negative emotions and understanding the source of behavior.
That is the ONLY thing your spouse can feel since s/he is so driven by emotions right now.
Doing or saying anything will be seen as a THREAT.
And THAT is what my Environment Changer program is all about.
- Eliminating your anxiety, fear and feeling overwhelm…
- Shortening your spouses’ midlife crisis…
- Feeling good about yourself in spite of what’s happening around you…
- Drawing your spouse back by SHOWING, (not saying) that things will be different this time…
- Helping your children feel secure in spite of your spouses’ meltdown…
- And creating a NEW relationship 10 times better than what you had before.
So if you didn’t have a chance yet to watch the presentation I’ve created for you, now is the time.
As the saying goes, “it’s always darkest before dawn”. So whether you go through this for yourself (and your sanity) or with the ultimate goal of becoming a family again…
You’ll gain a rare skill few people possess that recently took one of my students who was suicidal, went through financial disparity, separation and DIVORCE, to a genuine (and incredibly enthusiastic I might add) feeling of happiness with himself, his wife and his children – in just 5 short weeks.
The pain you’re going through right now is happening for a reason – if you see this as an opportunity to learn rather than suffer you’ll come out a better husband/wife, a better parent and a stronger person in the end.
If you are serious about saving your marriage or have questions for me, you can register for a private one hour call via the link below to see if my approach is a good fit for you. I will help you make sense of your situation and so you can understand how you arrived at this point in your marriage and what you can do about it.
Here’s how to get started…