Have you ever looked back to consider why you were attracted to your spouse to begin with?  The reason you’re attracted to your spouse is not because of the typical things you hear like good looks, great personality or a lot of things in common. It’s something deeper within you. Much deeper – to the point that you don’t even realize it’s there.

Let’s say for example your mother and father were very disconnected from one another during your first 10 years and your mother had to raise you like a single mother because her relationship with your father was distant and aloof.  You had no warm moments of family closeness between mom and dad throughout those first 10 years.  With a childhood like this, you have the ‘brain instruction’ for disconnection. That means that you will be attracted to another person with this “estrangement” machine in your brain.

Now let’s say your spouse’s mother (we’ll call her Claire) was pessimistic, hypercritical and very oppressive to her.  She divorced and remarried like popcorn.  THAT, is also a recipe for estrangement and disconnection.

Claire had the perfect program match for the machine your parents created in your brain.

Remember –  the machine in your brain will find you the woman (or man) who will most closely re-create your childhood home and you have nothing to say about it because none of us are free.  After all, it is these brain machines, these ‘programs’ from our childhood that reward us with dopamine, Oxycontin and endorphins, that we call “love”, and using this chemical system, it chooses our mates for us.  It’s not love.  It’s brain chemicals.  We all believe it’s love.

But what is love?  Is it the magnificent chemical high that makes us obsess over one person or is it a decision to commit to one individual and serve that person because we value them so highly…regardless of how we feel. The rising divorce rate we face these days certainly speaks to the answer of this question.

So whether you’ve given up hope on your marriage or you’re entering into a new relationship, the programs from your childhood – and likely the issues you faced in previous relationships – will be with you from one relationship to the next.

Until you shut off the machine in your brain, you won’t be free from, what in this scenario, is the intimate relationship disconnection system that is your destiny.

If you are serious about saving your marriage or have questions for me, you can register for a private one hour call via the link below to see if my approach is a good fit for you. I will help you make sense of your situation and so you can understand how you arrived at this point in your marriage and what you can do about it.

Here’s how to get started…

Enter your name and email to watch a free video presentation. After watching the video, you can request a complementary private 1 hour consultation: for men here or for women here.