One of the most challenging issues couples struggle with is a sexless marriage. This should be no big surprise – intimacy is the first thing to go when a marriage begins to suffer.
Now think back to a moment when you first met your spouse. Your time together was very romantic…wasn’t it? Things were spontaneous, you were both on your best behavior with each other and arguments were few and far between.
Wouldn’t it be safe to say that you felt exhilarated whenever the two of you were together and that lack of intimacy was NOT EVEN AN ISSUE?
But then again, when you first met your spouse…
You were THRILLED by the fact that there was A LOT in your relationship that was UNKNOWN, which was very exciting at the time; it kept things interesting.
You were meeting each others’ Ultimate Expectations which made both of you feel fulfilled, desirable and wanted.
And then EVENTUALLY…
You were shocked by the ‘wake up call’ that marriage brought to your relationship…
Not only were you faced with the monotony and predictability of marriage, but you quickly realized that “Maybe we don’t have that much in common after all.”
And you begin to wonder if getting married to this person was a MISTAKE.
But the fact is, it’s not that you shared common interests before your marriage and now those interests have changed…
…you were just MUCH MORE patient and forgiving of each others’ little imperfections.
Maybe You Even Thought It Was ‘Cute’ When Your Spouse Inhaled Their Food Before You Even Got a Chance To Taste Yours…
But now that YOUR needs are not being met, this little habit has just become ANOTHER annoyance to you.
So what happened to the intimacy in your relationship?
It’s simple: you stopped meeting your spouses’ Ultimate Expectations and there’s a good chance that YOUR Expectations are not being met either!
(Note: I’ll be referring to your Ultimate Expectations periodically throughout this newsletter because this is such a KEY part of a happy marriage that is CONSTANTLY overlooked!)
For a refresher on men and women’s Ultimate Expectations, refer to the Special Report – The “Secret Path to Divorce” that you downloaded at the beginning of this newsletter.
You see, Ultimate Expectations are a two way street. If you don’t make your spouse happy, then YOU won’t be happy.
Trouble is, most people just can’t get over the resentment that they feel towards their spouse. They can’t bring themselves to do something positive for their marriage.
But SOMEONE needs to make the first move.
And since you’ve already proven that you are already willing to do so (simply by reading this newsletter), then I know that you have what it takes to take the first step…and support just ONE of your spouses’ Ultimate Expectations.
You need to learn how to ‘cleanse’ your relationship from the resentment and pain that has taken over your marriage…and you can start by understanding your spouses’ expectations.
As you might remember…
A HUSBAND’S Ultimate Expectations are…
- Staying just as sexy, playful and interesting as you were when you were dating.
- Time that is free of any domestic demands so he can do what he really loves to do.
- Compliments and encouragement about what he does, has done or is about to do.
- Complete emotional support for what he values in life.
And a WIFE’S Ultimate Expectations are…
- Patience under all conditions.
- The ability to listen as if everything she said really mattered.
- Compliments and encouragement about what she does, has done or is about to do.
- Complete emotional support for what she values in life.
Look, if you ever want to bring the intimacy back into your marriage, you need to start meeting each others’ Ultimate Expectations.
Just take the FIRST STEP by giving your spouse compliments and encouragement about what s/he does, has done or is about to do.
BOTH men and women need this because EVERYONE wants:
– To be appreciated for what they do
– To get approval for how they act
– To get sensitivity to their feelings
– To get respect for who they are
Just meeting ONE of these needs will make your spouse feel like you DO care and you have a genuine interest in him or her.
Let Me Simplify This Even More For You…
If your husband needs a few hours to himself every now and then…GIVE IT TO HIM.
If your wife wants you to be there to listen to her ‘blow off some steam’ at the end of the day…THEN DO IT. Just be there to listen, not necessarily solve all her problems right there on the spot.
Your spouse has a certain set of needs for a REASON. Your Husband Does Not Want Time To Himself Because He Is Sick Of You
He wants to be alone simply because…HE’S A MAN and that’s just what men need! Your Wife Doesn’t Necessarily WANT a Solution To Her Daily Struggles…
She just wants you to be there to listen to her ‘vent’. Women love to talk about their problems, so just be there for her…and you’ll get rewarded for it later on.
The key to restoring the intimacy in your marriage is supporting each other’s Ultimate Expectations. And when you start to do this, I KNOW you’ll see a difference.
Find your spouse’s GREATEST need (the one s/he’s always complaining about) and FULFILL IT! Does your spouse want more love and affection from you? Ask him/her HOW s/he wants you to express it. ASK your spouse what you can DO to fulfill this need.
It is NOT ENOUGH to get a general statement from your spouse like, “I want you to be nicer to me.” Ask them to be SPECIFIC.
Being specific is a CRITICAL part of your success in meeting your spouse’s greatest need…which then of course leads to restoring the intimacy in your marriage.
If intimacy is an issue for you in your marriage, meet your spouse’s greatest need and in turn, ask him/her to meet YOURS.
This is one of the reason’s I created the Environment Changer program.
I wanted to give couples and individuals a simple, clear and effective wayto understand and support each others’ Ultimate Expectations using the customized, online tools I developed (which at their conception, helped me to save my marriage!)
Many People Ask Me What Makes The Environment Changer Program Different From Traditional Marriage Counseling.
One of the things that sets this program apart from counseling is that the foundation of my program (and everything I teach for that matter) is based on the idea of “feel good FIRST, then do good”.
One of the fundamental parts of this program shows you how to eliminate (NOT STUFF) your negative feelings in 60 seconds.
If you’ll remember, earlier in this newsletter I discussed how ONE person needs to be the first to put all selfishness aside, and do something positive for the marriage.
(i.e. Start meeting your spouse’s Ultimate Expectations.)
And believe me, I know how difficult this can be when there is so much resentment built up in a marriage.
But when you know how to eliminate your negative feelings, you can put all this resentment aside and focus on the specific things you need to do to improve your marriage.
Marriage counselors on the other hand, focus on changing your behavior and solving problems. Much of this process involves discussing specific problems and dredging up difficult issues from the past.
(Which only makes things worse!)
So if you’re interested in a 100% POSITIVE alternative to marriage counseling that does NOT focus on sources of conflict from the past, visit the Environment Changer web site today.