My story started back in the ‘90s when my wife and I were both deeply unhappy, but divorce was not on the table.
We were locked into a pattern of suffering and stress that was unbearable, and endless because we’d both come from parents who believed that you simply stayed married—and miserable.
And then, something interesting happened.
After one of our three-day fights, 27 years into a difficult marriage, Marsha and I were standing, exhausted, in the kitchen late one night when she broke the silence.
“You wonder why I’m so angry? They were angry.” They were her parents—her father, a quiet man given to bouts of rage, and a mother who was angry nearly all the time.
One day she watched her mother throw a metal truck at her brother’s head in a fit of anger, sending him straight to the hospital. Marsha learned as a kid that anger was how you coped. Her parents didn’t talk about emotions, ever, in fact, no discussion ventured much further than mayonnaise and broken doors. Her mother wouldn’t talk to her father and vice versa. Mayonnaise and broken doors. Anything more than that was strictly off limits.
This was the first time I heard an explanation I could understand, and it gave me a glimmer of hope. If Marsha had learned anger from her parents, then I likely picked up a host of habits, ideas, and responses from my own parents (one of whom was an alcoholic and the other, a gambler). It highlighted for me how Marsha’s childhood had made her so willful and angry—and produced her irresponsible, undisciplined husband who was constantly seeking approval, at any cost.
What if we didn’t hate each other at all, but we were fighting over our parents’ value systems that began when we were kids?
That opened the floodgates for me. I started reading everything I could get my hands on about psychology, spirituality, and relationships.
I tried therapy and workshops. I even went on marital retreats — by myself!
I was still struggling mightily in my marriage, but I was on a mission: I wanted to understand the effect childhood events have on our subconscious mind, and what I learned about the connection between childhood and midlife changed my perspective forever.
But my perspective wasn’t the only thing that changed…
I felt different, as did she—and we began what would be the happiest years of our marriage, until she passed away in 2019. We still had nothing in common and completely opposite value systems. It didn’t matter.
And it wasn’t the result of couples counseling, or because we promised to act or say anything differently. No one had to make someone sorry, or “come clean.” Nor was it a sexual or romantic shift that caused it. In fact, it wasn’t physical at all. It had everything to do with my mind. I learned how to instantly change the environment of my mind, causing negativity to evaporate like a puddle in the blazing sunlight.
I was different. My marriage was different. And as a result, my life was profoundly different. There was no backslide or reverting back, simply because the environment of my mind no longer supported it. My life became a place I could live in happily, a place I wanted to be. And one I wanted to share—with her.
And the effects didn’t stop at my marriage. I found greater peace and fulfillment as a person.
This isn’t the kind of thing you can keep to yourself, and why would I?
I knew I wasn’t alone and that there were scores of people suffering needlessly.
I believed I could help other people find that same peace and joy.
And I have — for the past 20+ years.
Not just a few people, either—but tens of thousands. Some of them desperately afraid of losing their spouses, others who believed they already had.
Still others whose divorce papers had been filed, and their spouse had all but moved on with someone else.
They changed their internal environment and the outside world changed, too. But even when some partners did ultimately leave—even they experienced a profound shift. Rather than dwelling on heartbreak and helplessness, as an environment changer student, these men felt in control of their minds and their lives, and they become happier and calmer than they’ve ever been. And I know you can, too.
But as the airlines say, you’ve got to put your own mask on first before making any effort to win your wife back. YOU have to get back to the man you are at heart.
I can show you how to get there.
Publications & Media
Sothearted Woman Hard World
Book and audio course
(Currently out of print)
101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life
Co-authored with top self improvement experts like Brian Tracy, Joe Vitale and Dennis Waitley.
(Currently out of print)
Thriving Launch Podcast with Guest Larry Bilotta
The Dad Edge Podcast with Guest Larry Bilotta
Surviving Sarah Podcast with Guest Larry Bilotta
It only takes ONE person to heal a marriage
Real, long-lasting change happens from within. When you master your emotions and overcome negativity, fear, and doubt, amazing things start to happen. You feel at peace, calm and no longer dependent on others to make you happy.
You become a better and whole person for yourself and for your kids – the person your spouse wants and needs most (even if you’re faced with constant rejection right now). Book a call with one of our coaches today and begin your journey to win your family back.